The recent Duggar scandal has elicited various responses from every spectrum on the religious rainbow, as evidenced by the colors in my Facebook news feed. From victim blaming to wielding God’s forgiveness to reflections on how to raise kids to victim defense … it’s all there. And to each their own opinion.
Mine? My criticism falls on the naive people who elevated them to this gaggable pedastol with little to no regard to the warning signs thrown off by the Duggar’s themselves and little to no acknowledgement of people like myself and others who have lived their lifestyle and said, “It’s fucked up.”
But they are the “holy cow” of social media, as one friend put it to me after I created a whirlwind of feedback last year after posting something negative about the family’s view on marriage. That post alone garnered expressed concern over my spiritual walk. It irked me that I could post a million updates all day long about human trafficking, child slavery and poverty and not get a single notice. But dare criticize the sacred cow of Christianity? How dare I.
So what’s their gimmick?
Well, they fuck (assumeably a lot) and don’t use birth control. Coming from the cult-like circles I was raised in, this is barely cause for an eyebrow raise. Same shit, different day.
But for the average American, I guess it’s a novelty. And When you add the Duggars’ conservative Christian beliefs, Michelle’s organization skills, their matching clothes, buddy system and the expansion of the family as the older kids married off and began fucking (assumeably a lot without birth control), they became every Christian family’s fantasy.
So was my family once upon a time.
My sisters, mom and I wore the handmade jumpers (not skirts because they put too much emphasis on our breasts), white head coverings to symbolize that we were under my dad’s authority and close-toed shoes. My six siblings and I were homeschooled, we sang special music in the little white supremacist, anti-gay Baptist churches we attended, and we (being women) didn’t speak in church, Bible study or prayer meetings unless invited to.
My parents were idolized. Their kids were well behaved and every outward exhibition of Christianity was meticulously manicured with the greatest of care. People wanted to be like us.
But we had secrets, and we were oppressed.
So while others were like, “OMG, you’re awesome!” and “I really respect the Duggars,” alarm bells were going off in my head.
We’re awesome and you want to be like us because we know how to follow rules and bullshit our way through the ones we’ve broken? You respect the perpetuation of abuse and control? And then you use that as a measure against my own spirituality? Wait. Isn’t that representative of the system I grew up in and escaped from?
Two days ago I was mopping the floor, thinking about all this. It’s been on my mind – the judgment of people (friends) who have used the Duggar rubric to fault my spirituality. Why does it still make me mad?
While I mopped, I realized: Because it reeks of the same legalism by which I was measured and found wanting my entire growing up years. It is the same grasp of judgment, the same stench of control. Here is a bulleted list of shit to do, shit to believe in and shit to avoid in order to hit the green light of God’s favor
And it’s what I escaped from.
When I saw the Duggars on TV (always by accident), I never saw a quaint Christian family. I never saw morals. I never saw Christian standards that anyone should ever try to attain.
I saw my childhood being broadcast on TV and I saw people (friends included) drooling over the nostalgia of … what exactly? People who fuck and don’t use birth control? Women who will not receive a college education? A system of abuse through religious control and mindfucking? A belief structure that bases your favor with God on how many kids you can shit out regardless of if you can care for them?
All that glitters doesn’t always shine.
If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
If a friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow them?
I can’t think of any more clichés to express this sentiment:
Be careful who and what you idolize next.
All that glitters doesn’t always shine.
If it looks too good to be true, it’s because it is.
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