When your friends have chronic illnesses …

… You get frozen yogurt together and then a few hours later when she’s in a hospital bed in the ER, you can say, “Aren’t we glad we got froyo when we did? Otherwise we’d have missed out.”

… You have no idea the Subway dinner you spontaneously picked up would be the last meal you ate together before her next hospital stay.

… You run through her medical history with the new nurses because she’s frustrated with having to answer the same questions for the umpteenth time.

… You know her medical history.

… You can find something to laugh about in hospital rooms.

… You’re a little bullet-proof when it comes to news like, “I’m back in the hospital,” or “I just got out.” There’s rarely any freaking out. Just business: “Do you need me to take care of the dogs? How are you feeling emotionally?”

… You ask questions like, “How was the MRI situation?” or, “Were you able to get out of bed today?” and you don’t think it’s weird.

… You discuss things like bowel movements and upcoming medical procedures over a meal together.

… Your feelings are not hurt when they say, “Let’s reschedule our date. I’m too tired today.”

… You’re an encyclopedia of knowledge on their diseases.

… You do a shit-ton of research and tell them, “Don’t Google it. Just don’t.”

… “Did you take your medicine?” “Do you need a nap?” “Are you sure you should go back to work fulltime?” These are normal questions you ask.

… You get mad as hell on their behalf. Still. Even all these years later. Mad.

… You talk about dying and death and the difference between a living will and a regular will. You swap attorney’s names.

… You worry when they live alone.

… You discuss short term disability policies and health insurance deductibles.

… You talk about medical bills and payment plans and bankruptcy.

… You’re aware that everything could change moment-to-moment.

… On their good days, you let yourself forget they’re sick.

… You make it a point to go an entire visit without asking them how they feel.

… You create a safe place for them to BE what they need to be in any moment. Sad. Happy. Mad. Tired. Emotional.

… You sit in silence with them.

… You live and you love.

… You have the phone numbers of their moms, husbands, neighbors.

… You never take any moment for granted.