I wear a t-shirt from Mahogany Mommies that says “Mothering is an act of revolutionary love” and I wore it to lunch recently with my mom and youngest sister.
They asked me, “What does that mean to you?”
I explained that it took me a while to even buy the shirt because though it immediately resonated with me, I didn’t know why.
What does it mean to me?
Much of my mothering feels revolutionary, but why?
I finally bought the shirt, I wear it, and when folks (like my mom and my youngest sister) ask me “what does that mean to you?”, I say:
It means something a little bit different each time I wear it.
Particularly, recently, revolutionary love in my mothering has meant pushing back demands and clearing space for rest.
And a theme in my mothering and our co-parenting for the past 5.5 years has been to linger with her, squander time, if you will.
It has evolved into a family value of ours.
Both of us – meaning, both her parents – are products of high-stress industries where, and I’m paraphrasing Brene Brown here, exhaustion is a status symbol, and the number of overtime hours you’ve worked is a bragging point. Both of us – her co-parents – have spent years unlearning what our modern society has taught us. We prioritize rest. We set boundaries. We quit toxic jobs. We pursue hobbies. We nap.
She sees us. She follows our lead.
She goes to dance class once a week. She likes it.
I mean, in a way that I think is appropriate for this 5.5-year-old.
The same way she liked soccer and karate at varying intervals of time.
She gives it her best and she has fun, and also she doesn’t give a shit about how good she is.
Some days she comes from home school and says, “I don’t want to go to dance. I want to go home and rest.”
And, at these times, I have paused, because there is a counter-pull – something culturally ingrained.
Don’t let them be quitters!
We’ve already paid for this!
They should keep their commitments!
They can’t learn to just … not follow through!
Do you remember when Simone Biles prioritized her mental health and physical well-being and she made headline news because (gasp!) she, a most celebrated athlete, chose herself over performing for all of us?
This is the revolution.
This is counter-culture.
So, some days, we don’t dance.
We go home.
We rest.
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