There are big changes and big emotions

I was about 8.5 months pregnant and we were drinking coffee on the deck.

“I think maybe we’re in over our heads,” I said.

He said he’d wondered the same thing.

The impending newness of the upcoming adventure feels deliberate, unknown, extraordinary. There is an enticing blend of eagerness to be there, and sadness to leave.

New baby.
New country.
New job.
New home.

Any one of those is a monumental life event. We decided to do them all together. At the same time.

“Holly, you know that you guys are absolutely nuts, right?” Our friend said what a lot of people might be thinking. Hell, what I’m thinking on some days.

And the answer is: yes.
Yes, I do know.
And yes, we are a little nuts.

I give a respectful nod to the range of emotions that have sauntered by in the last five weeks. I savor the assurances from those I’m most vulnerable with.

“Our daughter has such big shoes to fill,” my husband has whispered to me. Just the other night, after she was tucked into the bassinet beside our bed, and I’d crawled under the covers, relishing in their delicious texture, and I’d sighed an end-of-the-day cleansing breath, he began whispering affirmations.

Postpartum day 12, I texted my sister: it feels like I’m in over my head.
She replied: No, you’re not. You’re just fine.
I was pulled back to center. I am just fine.

This week itself, I texted one of my best friends – the one who’s known me the longest: these are the things I’m feeling today.
She replied, in part: You are doing GREAT, WONDERFUL, AMAZING things. You are living your best life. You are kicking ass. Every. Single. Day.

I’ve been repeating a mantra to myself: extraordinary change lends itself to extraordinary discomfort. And I know that the discomfort is a signal that I’m doing the right thing; it’s part of the exodus from my comfort zone, out of the routine that I’m fond of and the sanctuary home-base I’ve co-created.

Now here we are. We are less than three weeks from our departure. We are on track with the packing and planning and logistics. The dogs are nearly ready. Saira is ready. Our home in India is waiting for us.

As for the adults, our eagerness to launch overshadows nervousness to leave.

We’re ready to go.